"Grief, I've learned is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot".
Updated: Jul 30, 2019
"Grief, I've learned is really just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go". Unknown
It is natural to shy away from the subject of Grief. I've come to a point in my life where I have stopped questioning why things happen, or what guidance I'm sent, as ultimately I know there will always, always be a reason for it. Therefore, when I received guidance to write about grief and tried to dismiss it, the Angels weren't having any of it. They presented sign after sign which I could not ignore and so, as I tentatively step into this subject, I know what I write will touch some of you, but maybe not all.
Everyone knows that none of us live forever. We must all die at some point! Why then does something so natural leave us feeling so raw?
My own experience of grief has come at many times in my life, first as a mere 5-year-old when I lost my best school friend, then as a young teenager when I lost my Dad, my mum died before I reached my 30th birthday and a very dear brother-in-law two years later. There have been many others but these were the ones that hit me the most.
More recently there have been countless occasions where I have been drawn to articles, newsfeeds or programs where the theme has been grief and more often than not it's a celebrity going through it. I think it's wonderful that celebrities use their platform to talk about these things because it doesn't matter who you are; you will experience grief (if you haven't done so already) at some time in your life. Grief not only plays with our minds, but it has an almost paralysing effect on the body. It can create a dreary, bleak and gloomy atmosphere amongst a family or community as I've witnessed recently when my sister's neighbour passed leaving 2 young children and a husband behind.
When it comes, it doesn't say "you're not a celebrity I will treat you differently". Oh no; it will still wage a fearsome war in whatever way it chooses, and all you can do is wade your way through this unknown storm. It can be a bit like being tossed about in a sailing boat in rough seas or being lost in a dense forest with no compass. Liz Gilbert likes to describe it as a catastrophic and mighty tsunami that destroys you.
Here are my tips for anyone going through grief:
Take as long as it takes to come through the other side. There is no set time to recover from grief, regardless of what people say.
The world will go on around you ~ let it. It doesn't mean you need to get back on the rollercoaster of life just because others tell you to. Listen to your own heart and give it all the time it needs.
It's ok to cry and cry again. Angels say that when we cry we allow space for something better to take their place. You may feel that there will never be anything better to take their place but don't let this stop you from crying.
Talk about your loved one often. It not only helps with the grieving process but it also keeps their memory alive and will help you relive the good times.
Looking after your own self-care whilst grieving is the most important thing you can do. Spend time in nature, play your favourite music, treat yourself to a manicure, massage, facial etc. meditate, draw, paint, take longs walks in nature ~ do whatever brings that little bit of comfort to your aching heart.
Find a trusted friend you can rely on and turn to for those really bad days; because there will be bad days! Alternatively, find some help through a counselor or other form of talking therapy.
Although your loved one has passed on, you can still connect with their presence. Be open to the signs they send you that all is well in their world and you will meet again.
The late great Louise Hay says of death "It's a leaving of the planet when our lessons for that lifetime are learned". She says it occurs in the perfect time-space sequence wherein each lifetime we always enter and leave in the middle of the movie; there is no right time there is no wrong time.
Whatever way grief is affecting you in this moment now, in the past or in the future, know that you are safe, you are loved and you are always protected and surrounded by Angels.
Call on them to help you through the maze.
I'm sending you all tons and lots of love and supportive, comforting Angels.
Carol Taylor, Mindful Angel